Adjusting to the academic culture at the University of Havana was challenging in ways I hadn’t expected. At Wesleyan, even if a class is particularly difficult, I understand the general expectations of the university and feel integrated into that framework as a student. However, when I was studying in Cuba, I had re-learn that framework even as I worked to understand course material. Students at the University of Havana enter onto a specific track, and will pursue courses on that track with many of the same classmates throughout their four years. Each course builds on the other, and the instructors and students are particularly familiar with one another. As a result, when I began taking a class on the epistemology of science in the philosophy department as the only foreign student in the course, I had some difficulties adjusting. For one, I was always dripping with sweat, while my Cuban peers seemed perfectly comfortable. Looking back, it seems a bit silly; of course my classmates would be acclimated to the weather, having grown up there. However, it made me feel self-conscious and like I stood out. At Wesleyan it’s common for people to take a variety of classes due to the open curriculum, but at the University of Havana students don’t take classes outside of their track. Although I had taken a philosophy course at Wesleyan before, I felt that my experience was dwarfed by that of my classmates, who already knew the professor and were not shy about engaging in impassioned philosophical debates with her and each other. Consequently, it was hard for me to work up the nerve to participate.
At the core of this struggle were the comparisons I was making with my peers. It might seem ridiculous to compare oneself’s cultural integration in the classroom to that of native speakers who had spent three years in the philosophy track of this university, but I’ve always struggled with social comparisons, and my position as the only foreign student in the course exacerbated my anxiety. I’ve come to believe that when we’re immersed in another culture, it can be hard to have the perspective that we are growing and learning and the understanding that we have started from a difficult position of ignorance. As a result, it’s easier to become frustrated and overly hard on ourselves. Even though the class was difficult for me, I’m glad that I was enrolled, because I learned much about philosophy and about life. By catching myself in these social comparisons with my peers, which seem so unrealistic in retrospect, I’ve gotten closer to letting go of these patterns of judgement altogether. Although it is particularly clear in this example that comparing myself to my peers is unfair, it can be more difficult to resist these patterns when I am in my home university. Although I don’t quite believe it yet, we are all on our own journey and have to move at our own pace, rather than looking at what others have achieved through different lives, upbringings, opportunities, interests, needs, responsibilities, and experiences.
The picture for this post is one that I took of the Alma Mater statue at the top of the steps leading to the University of Havana.
